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The Democrats’ Assisted Suicide
Nov 17, 2016 · original
I had a moment of genuine shock a couple of days after the election. (The election itself wasn’t shocking so much as being gradually overtaken by a creeping sense of existential dread.) Still blankly trying to process how the nation could have elected the world’s emptiest combover, still fixated on the part how everybody, even the combover himself, was certain he was going to lose, my wife and I were asking each other how everyone had gotten it so, so wrong, and I brought up “Dilbert” creator Scott Adams. If, like my wife, do not follow Scott Adams on Twitter , you may not know that he picked Trump from the very beginning of the primary as the winner , based on Trump’s superior skills of persuasion. Adams, it seems, is a trained hypnotist and a student of the Art of Persuasion. Onstage with the other 16 Republican primary candidates, Trump’s persuasion tactics were so obviously superior,
The Not a Pussy Party
Aug 9, 2016 · original
After a primary season that included approximately 247 debates, 63 candidates, more than 388,000 tweets (over 382,000 from @realdonaldtrump ), and 44 “campaign-killing” gaffes (also all by Trump), and two party conventions, we’ve finally made it to the General Election. Break out the champagne, and the mood stabilizers! The Democratic candidate, Hillary Clinton, somehow still standing after 25 years of (unproven) scandals while serving as First Lady, Senator from New York, and Secretary of State, would be the most unpopular major-party nominee of all time, if the Republicans hadn’t nominated Celebrity Apprentice host and sentient Internet comment Donald J. Trump. Poor Hillary — always, it seems, a bridesmaid. Having two such disliked candidates in the race suggests to some that this election will have a historically low turnout, because so few people are engaged and enthusiastic about th
NRA Poster Boys Killed By Cops
Jul 12, 2016 · original
A consistent feature of our nation’s long debate over whether and how to combat the ongoing problem of people who shouldn’t be getting shot getting shot has been the argument that our society would be safer if more of us were carrying firearms . While another faction has responded to the growing number of mass shootings in America by working to strengthen laws restricting access to guns, there has been a countermovement toward more permissive concealed-carry and open-carry laws, based on the principles that a) we are all granted the right to bear arms in self-defense in the Constitution and b) more theoretically, that more armed citizens means would-be shooters will think twice before drawing down, as their target very well may be equipped to shoot back. Also, c) what are you, a pussy? Last week’s matched pair of police shootings, in Louisiana and Minnesota , have once again drawn attent
The Best Part of The Godfather is the Worst Writing
May 31, 2016 · original
I found myself watching Francis Ford Coppola’s undisputed all-time heavyweight champion of Serious Cinema, The Godfather , on HBO not long ago. Actually, it was the newfangled five-hour monstrosity The Godfather Saga , which combines The Godfather and The Godfather Part II , rearranges them into chronological order, so the De Niro-as-Young Don Corleone scenes are first, then the original movie, then all the Lake Tahoe and Havana material from Part II . This new cut also restored some scenes that were cut from the original movies, because five hours isn’t long enough. This was not appointment viewing, I just happened upon it while flipping channels, so I came in partway through, toward the end of the De Niro scenes. Soon enough, I was just watching The Godfather with extra scenes, most of them between Al Pacino’s Michael Corleone and Diane Keaton’s Kay. The first thing I noticed was that
Donald Trump’s Greatest Failure
May 24, 2016 · original
What would you guess sentient Internet comment and presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump would say is the most valuable piece of real estate in the world? Real Estate is, of course, Trump’s primary business. It is the keystone of his fortune and his greatest claim to fame (which is, of course, his secondary business). His 1987 book The Art of the Deal , an apocryphon of his prowess in negotiating multimillion-dollar deals like the one to build the garishly appointed Trump Tower, climbed to the top of the New York Times bestseller list, knocking the formidable Dave Barry Is Still Definitely Not Making This Up and Garfield Gets Feline Diabetes down to #2 and #3 and stayed there for 14 weeks until it was knocked out by Losing Weight the Oprah Way . He is a self-professed expert in his field. After squirming his way into the New York tabloids through his big Real Estate de
Berned Out
May 10, 2016 · original
This blog has not been reticent in its support for Bernie Sanders. The conscientious reader may recall our hearty endorsement a few months back . TL;DR: Bernie Sanders has been on the right side of pretty much every issue where everyone else was wrong (and wrong at tremendous cost). His ideas about free college and fully socialized medicine, much as I may like them, do not seem likely to pass any Congress at all similar to the one we have now, but his judgment has been proven right time and again, and that’s good enough for me. Likewise, this blog has not been effusive in its praise for Hillary Clinton. We do not have anything particularly against Mrs. Clinton personally, but she has failed to inspire in the way that Barack Obama did , the way Bernie Sanders has, the way even Donald Trump has. It is unclear to us what exactly Hillary Clinton wants to do as president, other than Be Presid
Beyoncé Makes Lemonade
Apr 29, 2016 · original
Even with my advanced age and near-total lack of exposure to pop music in the year of our Lord 2016 — a year in which my most recent live-music experience was with the world’s premier classic Van Halen tribute band — I couldn’t help being taken in by the exciting release of Beyoncé’s new album, Lemonade . It was exciting because of how she did it: announcing a program called Lemonade with no other details on HBO two days before it aired, goosing people’s anticipation about what it might be. Most people correctly guessed that it was another previously unannounced album, like her last one, Beyoncé . Even more interesting, once people heard it, was the album’s content: an apparently extremely confessional (or very persuasively performed) musical psychodrama about a female protagonist — let’s just call her Schmeyoncé — working through her feelings about being cheated on by an unnamed hound d
Kobe Goes Out Like Kobe
Apr 15, 2016 · original
Kobe Bryant, one of the greatest basketball players ever and bar none the easiest to root against, played his final NBA game this week, a come-from-behind win over Memphis that served as an exciting end to a 20-year career distinguished by five NBA titles, an MVP award, 18 All-Star games, and a rape trial settled out of court. The 38-year-old star turned in a vintage performance emblematic of his career as a whole: he took 50 shots to score 60 points, cementing his lifelong reputation as a ball hog, shameless chucker and awful teammate. Admittedly, I am not a huge sports fan. I don’t really have favorite teams. I root for Drama. I root for whoever’s behind to hit a buzzerbeater to send it into overtime and force a seventh game. Since that kind of drama is not readily available in the regular season, no matter what sport you like, I don’t really watch much sports until the later rounds of
Bernie and Hillary at Twenty Paces
Apr 8, 2016 · original
The race for the Democratic nomination for president is starting to get nasty, or what passes for nasty in the Democratic race: Hillary Clinton’s demurral when asked whether Bernie Sanders is qualified to be president was reported as her stating that he is not , and Sanders retorted that Clinton’s votes and past positions on the War in Iraq, gay civil rights, banking reform, and shoulder pads disqualified her from being president. That’s not enough nasty to move the nasty needle among the Republican candidates, whose discourse has most recently centered on hand/lap size , direct insults, and open blackmail , but different strokes, I guess. Clearly, neither Bernie nor Hillary ever expected the race to be this close; Hillary neglected to take Bernie seriously for far longer than she should have, and Bernie stuck to his promise not to attack Hillary Clinton personally even longer. But now B
AC/DC Needs A New Lead Singer
Mar 25, 2016 · original
AC/DC lead screecher Brian Johnson has had a lot of bad news lately. First his doctors told him that the massive hearing loss he’d sustained over the course of his 35-year career emceeing a show that, in addition to a literal wall of Marshall stacks, included actual cannon fire at the end of every performance, was permanent and likely to get worse. They strongly recommended that he quit performing immediately, or risk losing what little hearing he has left. AC/DC announced Johnson’s retirement soon after , promising to soldier on and honor their ten scheduled summer 2016 dates with a replacement singer to be named later. And that was news to Johnson , who says that he told the band about the doctor’s advice, but also offered to do the last ten shows as a kind of farewell tour. The next day, all of Johnson’s tour belongings and other personal effects in the possession of the AC/DC organiz

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